Yes, dear reader, I have stopped shaving. I’ve just been waiting for the right moment to announce it to the world and let everyone know about my decision to become a wild man. Between an 1/8 and ¼ of an inch of fine black hair now extends from pretty much every place a beard should extend (still working on the upper cheeks). Most of you are probably thinking, “So what? It’s just a beard. Probably looks as dumb as that ‘moustache’ my brother had in the seventh grade.” While I assure you, dear reader, that assumption is probably correct, I am ecstatic all the same.
In the time I’ve had facial hair (probably since I was 11, give or take) my relationship with my whiskers has been filled with issues and bad decisions. Like in the sixth grade when I was so embarrassed of my mustache that I Naired it off. Or the Christmas break that I tried to grow out a beard, only to have my facial hair take revenge because it became so itchy that I literally sanded the hair off my face by rubbing it with my hands so much.
But this time, I bit the bullet, stopped shaving two days before I left, and handcuffed my hands to my side. For my patience, I’ve been handsomely rewarded with a handsome display of my God given secondary sexual characteristic. I still have a month to go, but I’m already planning on how I will style my beard once I get back. Initially, I intended to shave it like Senecca Crane from the Hunger Games, but a quick Google search and some time spent on Wikipedia later, I learned I have so many more options as well as some surprising statistics about beards.
Styles of Beard or Mustache
Full, Circle, Sideburn, Chinstrap, Lincoln, Giribaldi, Goatee, Junco, Hollywoodian, Hulihee, Reed, Royale, Stubble, Van Dyck, Verdi, Neard, Soul Patch, Friendly Mutton Chops, Stashburns, Monkey Tail, Natural, Hungarian, Dali, English, Imperial, Freestyle, Fu Manchu, Pancho Villa, Handlebar, Horseshoe, Pencil, Chevron, Tooth Brush, Walrus
Quotes about Facial Hair
Wisdom is in the head, not the beard. –Swedish Proverb
I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face; I would rather lie in the wool. –William Shakespeare
I have the terrible feeling that, because I am wearing a white beard and am sitting in the back of a theatre, you expect me to tell you the truth about something. These are the cheap seats, not Mount Sinai. –Orsen Wells
Wisdom is in the head, not the beard. –Swedish Proverb
I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face; I would rather lie in the wool. –William Shakespeare
I have the terrible feeling that, because I am wearing a white beard and am sitting in the back of a theatre, you expect me to tell you the truth about something. These are the cheap seats, not Mount Sinai. –Orsen Wells
He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he who hath no beard is less than a man. –William Shakespeare
When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers. –Ralph Waldo Emerson
Statistics about Facial Hair
In 2009, the popularity of facial hair in Hollywood created a trend that ended up causing sales of shaving products to drop 12%.
33% of men in America have facial hair.
50% of the world’s men have a hairy face.
63% of men think they look more manly and attractive with a beard
92% of women think these men are idiots, and would rather date his clean-shaven wingman
95% of women also think that kissing a man with stubble is like kissing a Brillo pad and makes romantic kissing a turn off.
The last US president to have any facial hair? William Howard Taft in 1908.
(Statistics prove that I should shave this beard if I don’t want to end up like Taft, stuck in a bath tub)
Awesome People with Facial Hair
Teddy Roosevelt
Jesus
George Clooney
Chuck Norris
Weird Al Yankovic
William Shakespeare
Zach Galifianakis
Abraham Lincoln
Braiding my beard,
Mr. Mockler
When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers. –Ralph Waldo Emerson
Statistics about Facial Hair
In 2009, the popularity of facial hair in Hollywood created a trend that ended up causing sales of shaving products to drop 12%.
33% of men in America have facial hair.
50% of the world’s men have a hairy face.
63% of men think they look more manly and attractive with a beard
92% of women think these men are idiots, and would rather date his clean-shaven wingman
95% of women also think that kissing a man with stubble is like kissing a Brillo pad and makes romantic kissing a turn off.
The last US president to have any facial hair? William Howard Taft in 1908.
(Statistics prove that I should shave this beard if I don’t want to end up like Taft, stuck in a bath tub)
Awesome People with Facial Hair
Teddy Roosevelt
Jesus
George Clooney
Chuck Norris
Weird Al Yankovic
William Shakespeare
Zach Galifianakis
Abraham Lincoln
Braiding my beard,
Mr. Mockler
I want to see a picture of your beard in all its glory.
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