DELICIOUS

Today, I wrote self-pitying me a self-gratifying note because, to tell you the truth, dear reader, this Monday sucked just as much as the last one. Staring at my terrible grades, I longed to fall into a carb induced permacoma. My fingers lingered over the evil white strip, and I was set to launch into a new sets of groans and moans, before I stopped myself and began to write a letter to my wounded ego.

Starting with trite cliches, I covered an entire page with babbling platitudes that ranged from The Help's "You is smart..." to "You did not come to China to get fat." When I finished, I managed to yank myself from the clutches of the buffet table, and realize: I'm in GOSH DARN FRICKIN' CHINA!

Again, life has handed me two choices. I can weep daily and refuse to see anything else other than my grades and complain at every opportunity, or I can pull myself together, get some help, go exploring, and avoid adding a third person to my already large frame.

I believed I softened my last epiphany with a puppy picture. Please take a moment to go to look at it; however, I can't wait, though, because I only have so much time in gosh darn frickin' China.

Since you are still enveloped in the sweet glow of puppy pictures. I'll tell you, I'm going with the second option. While I have no regrets about last week (that ice cream was DELICIOUS), eating like a pig really didn't help anything. In fact, it made me a hypocrite because I refused to take my own advice from the mini-crisis post. As I prophesied, I put myself in a situation to be imperfect, but was still shocked when I found out I wasn't perfect.

Wallowing in my self pity (again, DELICIOUS) only made me want to come home, not take advantage of all the wonderful things I can do in this country. I've been to Old Qingdao and New Qingdao. A farmers market, a night market, and a fake market. I've done so many things here and still only seen an eighth of all this city has to offer. Basically, I've opted to make this trip about complaining, instead of making this trip about learning.

Obviously, I can't escape complaining, it is a way of dealing with new settings and circumstances: however, when did my coping mechanism become a never-ending-pity-orgy? I've literally never heard or caught myself complaining in so many different ways. Sarcastic complaints, statement of fact complaints, illogical rambling complaints, complaints about complaints, etc. have bred nothing but animosity and perpetuate an emotion cycle that has made me miss America.

Other people cautioned me about culture shock and such before I came, but I've been using my complaints as horse blinders to all the marvelous things this country has to offer. Ultimately, I think we thought we were going to Chinatown, not China. Chinatown is intriguing and exotic, but you don't actually have to "experience" it before you flee back to the Western part of the city. In China, you're are encapsulated in thousands of years of history. Old cultures, new cultures, and weird cultures come from all sides and must be accepted. Shutting down and locking it out has been like watching a bug fall into a glass of water. The bug buzzes angrily, makes a lot of noise, but if it doesn't find a way to pull its way up, it ultimately drowns...

Anyway, dear reader, I vow from this day forward that I will only complain when there is something legitimate to complain about. I vow to experience China in all her glory, and run away on weekends to avoid all negativity. I vow to work hard, but not kill myself. I vow to finally start taking my own advice and really start enjoying China.

Thinking happy thoughts,

Mr. Mockler